Now that power and cable have been restored to the house, Lori and I can handicap this year’s Rock Star competition. Episode one just wrapped up, and here’s our view from the couch… Storm Lori: Good, but missing something. Love that she’s got a deep voice. Joe: Strong, but maybe her look’s a little too polished? Ryan Lori: Trying to copy the Goo Goo Dolls a little too much. He gets on my nerves. Joe: Hard to see his own style coming out through this. Toby Lori: Should be in a boy band. Wants to be a male model? Joe: A little too subdued for opening night, but worth another listen. Patrice Lori: She’s a rockin’ chicky. I like her. Joe: Really strong, but looks like she’s a little surprised to find herself there. Magni Lori: Magpie? Huh? Maybe a dinner theatre singer? Joe: I agree with the “Vegas” assessment. A little too showy, and not in a good way. Zayra Lori: Awful. Awful in a box. Joe: I loved the premise of a Latina Evanescence, but it didn’t play out. Jenny Lori: Don’t know about her, but I like her. Reminds me of Liz Phair. Joe: Pitch? Josh Lori: His face doesn’t match his voice. Joe: Great voice, but he looks like a guy I could see playing the student union’s open mic night. Matt Lori: BLEAH. Joe: Feels a little forced. Dilana Lori: She scares me, yet she rocks. She’s scary and fun. I like her. Joe: The most authentic person in this group. Did she blink at all? I am afraid. I am afraid she’s going to leap out of the television and chew off my ear. Only one other singer has ever terrified me so. And is that her actual speaking voice? Dana Lori: She wants to be Shania Twain. Joe: Is she sure she’s on the right show? Phil Lori: Alan Cumming could play a better rocker. Joe: I feel like he could be showing us more. Jill Lori: Pint sized powerhouse, but she needs to change her look for this band. Joe: Got a little screechy — if she can keep her voice from busting, she’ll have something. Chris Lori: I admire him for trying. Joe: Oh, no. No. Lukas Lori: I love Lucas. He’s comfortable in his own skin. He has attitude and I love it! Joe: He could be this year’s Ty — great performer, but not right for this band. Overall Lori: I think it’s down to Scary Susan — I mean, Dilana — and Lukas. Joe: I’d can the rest of the series and just hire Dilana. Show’s over.
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